Sunday, March 29, 2009

Agnostic Dating

It's been awhile since I complained, er...I mean, posted anything about The Legal Adult. For the most part, I've tried to leave him alone about his love life. There's always a girl he's obsessing over, or moving on from. (I know, you don't end a sentence with a preposition, but it's early.) Thus, the reason I refer to them all as "Sweet thing". Can't mess up the name that way. However, L.A. got creative and has had back-to-back girlfriends with the same FIRST names. This has created confusion on my part. I can't call them both Sweet thing. So, we refer to them by their last names, conveniently Smith and Jones for this post. Smith is the former and Jones is the current. And the former is his current roommate. (Which I never approved of, but he's a grown man.) Yeah, the plot definitely thickens.
I'm just going to say it, I really like the former one, despite all my efforts to stay unaffiliated. It probably doesn't hurt that she's a seamstress, (although I'm working on getting her into quilting!) is from our hometown in Tennessee, and has been dating him since high school. She's polite, smart, funny, and actually talks to me when she comes over. And yeah, she's beautiful, so if they got married, what beautiful grandchildren they'd make for me. I know we as mothers of sons shouldn't consider that attribute, but I'd love to meet a mother who doesn't! Anyway, this child has moved up here from our hometown and made a new life for herself. But now, it appears my son won't be a part of it. Of course, they'll stay friends....yeah....uh-huh.
Something happens, as something will, and they break up. Enter Jones. She's pretty, brainy, and totally goes along with anything he comes up with. I'm sure that's very attractive to L.A. as he loves to be the center of the world as most college-age guys do. I'm polite and try to engage Jones in conversation, but she is not talker that I am.
The Legal Adult wants me to dislike Smith, just because they broke up. Smith is actually house sitting for me in the near future while we are on vacation, an arrangement we made at Christmas time, when everyone was still in love and the world was a beautiful place.
I've been accused by my son of not supporting him because I don't feel the need to be ugly to her, (or anyone else for that matter). Explaining that finding someone to watch your house last minute is a bad idea did not bode well. So there you have it. The lesson here is: don't get too attached to any one girlfriend/boyfriend of your child. Be kind, but be agnostic. Until there's a ring and a date, just be agnostic about anyone they date.


Deb Geyer said...

I am NOT looking forward to these issues... but I'm sure, with 2 teenage sons, they are just around the corner. Thanks for the warnings! :-)

Deb said...

I heard practically this same advice from my cousin, whose son is graduating from college this year. He broke up with a girl she really liked, and was very sad about it. Don't know if this will be different with daughters.

Debra said...

I think you can very clearly and plainly tell your son that the first girl is Your Friend now and you can have her housesit or come over and quilt or go to the movies or whatever you want. And, just because he chose to end the relationship doesn't mean that YOU chose to end your relationship with her. Heck, if she is around more, he might change his mind and realize she is a better match for him.

Anonymous said...

Sigh. I don't envy you. The stepsons live so far away that we have not met girlfriends yet.


Quilter In Paradise said...

oh yes, I have been thru this many times,,, still friends with the ex-wife and her kids but can't quite get close to any of the other 'friends'.. ( thank the lord that he hasn't married any of them!! )
nope, don't get close

Miri said...

Been there too. Good advice to not get close...but I'd also tell your son that you're entitled to your friends too and he doesn't have to be friends with #1-but you can! (Maybe let him know you won't talk about him :)